Have you ever gotten that point in your life where you just, like, forget the things that used to make you you? The movies you loved, the music you'd obsess over, the hobbies you had, the kinds of thoughts you'd lose yourself in.
You get so lost in your routine - keeping up with work, family, friends, responsibilities, being quasi-healthy (jk)... showering? It's a rat race and you're just trying to survive. I feel like this is veering toward a diary entry that precedes an Eat, Pray, Love situation, but it all just goes to say that I feel like I've lost touch with "who I am" these days. It's probably more of a comment on how self-centered I was in my twenties because all I ever did was sit around thinking about the proverbial Zoolander, "who am I" question. Don't get me wrong, being 30 is fucking rad and I would not go back - BUT, I do miss just occupying myself with the task of cultivating skills and experiences. So, with all this existential bullshit going through my head, I decided to make a list of shit I want to do/learn/revisit to rediscover "me."
*cue the Garden State soundtrack*
Areas to explore
The last time I've played around with trying to make things with my hands was during my Hidden Vices days. I really miss the entire process; dreaming up concepts, sketching, prototyping, getting my hands (and everything else) dirty, being able to hold something that I created. I'm determined to take a class this year and hopefully make some semi-functional pieces.
Again, one of those things I used to love so dearly. I remember in college, I never left home without my travel color set and a notebook. It was so nice to have a medium that wasn't strict or perfect and to really just let myself freely fuck around with no judgement. I wished I were better at it, but then again, I didn't care. That was so nice. I need more of that in my life.
La Guitarra :
Did you know your girl used to be in the praise band in church many moons ago? Church is where I discovered my love for music and singing. It was the way I really felt connected to God, myself and the people around me. That sort of went away when I stopped going to church (a whole other story I'll have to tell later), but the want and need to make music still lingers. I wanted to sing a special song dedicated to my husband at our wedding, but the crushing pressure of being so rusty and performing in front of all our loved ones forced me to chicken out. I still deeply regret that. In the very least, I want to learn that one song well and sing it for him.
Reading and Writing :
No, not like a 5 year old. I've never been a "writer" per se, but with the revival of this blog and the desire to be better at communicating through words, I find that I'll do this by reading more. I'm making it a point to try to slow down, turn off Apple TV, put on a record and grab the nearest book (even if they're mostly picture books in this house), and dig a little deeper. Maybe you'll see the fruits of that labor in these posts.
Seeing Shit IRL :
It's hard not to want to retreat to my cozy house and grab my laptop and just absorb art at my finger tips, but I need to make a concerted effort to see shit out in the world. Living in Austin has its benefits and drawbacks. There isn't an amazing museum district or vast array of city pockets to explore like Houston had, but there's something. I'm just going to have to get off my ass and find it. A few faves so far: The Blanton (not too shabby!), Austin by Ellsworth Kelly, Laguna Gloria, The Contemporary.
Learning about Vietnamese History:
I've never been a history buff. I have the memory of a starfish and I pretty much know cliff's notes if you're lucky. I'm GREAT a regurgitating podcasts though. Anyway, one thing I'd really love to do this year is dig into the history and cultural nuances of being Vietnamese - the war, the people, the country. I'd be deeply saddened and disappointed with myself if I had nothing to pass down to my kids.
This list will probably keep growing as I start to wake these old loves, but I'm a fan of starting small and letting the journey take me where it's gonna go. Alright... now let's get cultured, motherfuckers.